I just can't
This isn't going to be an uplifting and motivating blog post. If you came here for encouragement or to read about how amazing motherhood is, you may want to just see your way out now.
My blog/website is morphing from a fun place where I share about the happenings and local kid-friendly things to do into a place for me to come to share my personal motherhood experiences. If you don't like that, I totally understand and won't be offended if you don't show up anymore. The usual things will still be shared here when I find the time or one of my sister-moms submits a story. But in the in between I'll be sharing more things about the other side of being a mother.
Bare with me.
This post will not be pretty nor will it be eloquent.
I returned to working full time on July 5th. That is no secret. Those that know me and follow me have seen a drastic decrease in frequency of posting/updating/sharing.
Let's just clear one thing up first before I dig in.
Being a working mother is no harder than being a stay at home mom. We are not in a competition, y'all. One is not better than the other. I have many things to say on this topic for another day/post.
I worked full time until I had my 4th child(12 years...yeah add up that daycare bill). I then became a stay at home / work from home mom for 18 months. You just simply cannot compare the two lifestyles. They are so very different and so very similar...and comparing does nothing for anyone except steal joy and create angst.
So that's over with and on the back burner for another day.
In a world of social media, filters, and constant connection we all know how easy it is to lose sight of ourselves and be drawn into self hate and loathing. For you today, I have some negativity...and I know that is not what the universe needs. The universe needs more positivity, and I have that...and will share that another day.
But today, I just can't.
I can't do it all. I shouldn't do it all. I won't do it all.
I can't be a good friend.
I can't be a PTA mom while also working full time...I've tried, it's impossible.
I can't go to the gym. I could....at 5am for 30 minutes but no.
I can't run outside or exercise at home. I just can't....no real reason. I don't want to. Because. Tired.
I can't cook perfect dinners every night. I wish I could. I can plan to and try my best. And I do...(Thank you Blue Apron)occasionally.
I can't be at every school function. Cardboard challenge at noon? Sure...skip lunch break...but then when do I eat...and what if I can't leave right at noon because I've been pulled into a meeting?! My kid will wonder if I died on the way to school or WORSE...FORGOT! Anxiety!!!
I can't not drink wine.
I can't iron clothes.
I can't do yard work.
I can't clean my house.
I can't do all the laundry.
I can't organize things.
I can't call my mom every night.
I can't bathe my kids every day. (I know, gross but truth)
I can't get my daughter to dance at 5pm.
I can't take my son to soccer.
I can't meet my friend for lunch.
I can't cuddle with my husband. (PG version)
I can't watch a TV show.
I can't be everything to everyone.
I can't be everywhere all the time.
It is what it is. Life is insane. This season of life is absolutely ridiculously filled with STUFF to do and people to please.
I can't do it all.
I just can't.
All we can do is give and do our best. You hear often, give 100%....but to what? Do I give 100% to my kids, can't do that. Do I give 100% to my husband, impossible. 100% to work? Neglectful mother. We can't win. There is no medal. There is only joy when you finally get them all to sleep and you can rest your weary eyes.
Until they wake up 2 hours later.
Solidarity my mommas....we are all in this together. I can't hug you....but if I could...I would.
Thanks for reading & sharing.